It's Not Easy Being Married to a Writer

Wedding Day! Bahaha, you're stuck with me now!

I feel bad for my husband sometimes.

As a wife, I have dozens of faults. I'm messy, you see. I don't fold laundry. (Hence, the mess.) I struggle with selfishness. I'm grumpy when I wake up and sometimes I'm grumpy for no reason at all.

Also, I snore. That can't be fun.

It can't be easy being married to me, due to the reasons mentioned above. And let's not forget my weakness for pricey shoes--ahem, pretty shoes!--and my tendency to clam up whenever Justin and I have a serious conversation. (Silent Treatment, how I cling to thee.)

But it really must be hard to be married to me because I am a writer. Writing is my dream, my love, my oldest and most sacred passion. I can't imagine a life, or even a day, without journaling or note-taking or book-scribbling. It's a part of my atoms.

It also happens to make me a little cuckoo.

You know what I mean, right? The ups and the downs, the snot-filled meltdowns. The sob sessions that last for hours, not to mention the hundreds of dollars poured into conferences and critiques and that darn SCBWI annual fee. There's also my little habit of drifting elsewhere whenever we're watching TV or gobbling sandwiches at Potbelly's. My brain is a constant haze of characters and plots and whatnots. It's almost like there are three people in in this marriage: him, me, and my books.

And yet, through it all, Justin takes me as I am. He doesn't have to support my cuckoo-brained dreams, but he does. He always has and I know he always will, even if it turns me into a cry-faced creature who can't stop wailing.

I haven't forgotten all the times he has been there for me....

- - - - -

One time, in 2009, I was querying my very first novel. I had been querying for about nine months and my timeline went something like this: rejection, rejection, REJECTION, REJECTION! Nothing but polite Thanks but no thanks.

But then...but then...I garnered a full request from a Very Important Agent! I squealed. A lot. In my mind, I mapped out all sorts of wondrous possibilities that included agency contracts and book contracts and bags o'money.

So it makes sense that my heart collapsed when I received the dreaded Thanks but no thanks email. I proceeded to spend two hours crying on Justin's shoulder, sobbing onto his shirt, telling him I was no good. I believe this is what I looked like:

Sofa AKA tissue

And Justin simply sat there--for two hours--holding me and wiping my tears and telling me that I had to believe in myself because I would get an agent.

He didn't give up on me. I'm so glad he didn't. Because he was right.

- - - - -

Let's backtrack a little further to 2008, when Justin and I had been married for about a year. 

We were living in North Carolina. Justin was a specialist in the Army while I was trying my hand at freelance writing. Our bank account was on the slim side, mostly because my freelancing paid me in pennies or oftentimes nothing at all. (Although I did get a gift certificate to Barnes & Noble once. Score!) 

One night, I could tell something was troubling Justin. He looked so tired, as if he had an anchor hanging between his shoulder blades. It took some prodding but I finally got him to open up. 

"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing, just financial stuff."
"Um." (<-- commence Caroline clamming up.) 
"I've been thinking about getting another job. I can work nights somewhere."
"Why don't I just get a real job?" I said. "You already work, like, ten hours a day."
"I know but...."
"But what?"
"I want you to pursue your dreams." 

I really lucked out in the marriage department, didn't I?

(And no, he did not get a second job! I would not let him do that!) 

- - - - -

There are so many more examples of Justin's supportiveness and helpfulness. He's simply...amazing. The best husband I could have asked for, and the best friend I always wished for. Thank you, dear, for everything and more! I don't say that enough, do I?

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Much, much love.

Why Can't Women Support Each Other?

For the most part, I think women are really cool. 

Most of my friends are women. Most of the people I love are women (my sister, my niece). And most of the people I admire are women as well. 

Like Eleanor Roosevelt. 

And Elizabeth Cady Stanton. 

And Georgia O'Keefe. (Oh, her art makes my heart sing!) 

I guess I've been lucky in that I've always felt supported by the women around me. When I got into my top-choice college, my mom cheered me on. When I landed my first job, my friends were there to celebrate. I've been blessed to have such an awesome network of women-family and women-friends who lift me up when I'm down and who shout Hurrah! when I've done something cool. (Which isn't all too often. I'm not that cool!)

And so...I simply don't get it when women fail to support each other. Especially when one of us does something really, really cool.

Case in point: Janet Evans. A competitive swimmer, Evans won three gold medals at the '88 Seoul Olympics, at the wee age of 17. She went on to swim in two more Olympics, earning another gold and a silver medal before retiring from the sport.

But now, after a fourteen-year hiatus, at age 40, Janet Evans is making her return to competitive swimming. She has even qualified for the U.S. Olympic trials in June where she will race in the 400- and 800-meter freestyles.

Did I mention that she has two little kids as well?

So yeah, as I was reading this NYTimes article about Evans, I was simply blown away. A 40-year-old woman making a comeback in a sport that she dominated as a teenager! And she's a mother to boot! She's such an inspiration. I mean, this woman has drive and she has guts. She's the sort of person I'd like my future kids to look up to.

But not everyone feels the same. From the Times:

Evans said she had been criticized on social networking sites for training when she should be home with her children. But she has set up her schedule so her main swimming workout takes place in the morning, from 5:30 to 7:30, so she can make it home in time for breakfast. Her crazy hours are not lost on her daughter, who recently asked, “Why do you swim in the dark, Mommy?”

*Headdesk*

That quote deflated me like a day-old balloon.

I just don't get it.

Shouldn't we, as women, celebrate what Evans is doing? Shouldn't we, as women, cheer her on?

Why can't we support one another in the choices we make?

I think that's the crux of the issue here. If a woman chooses to raise two children and train for the Olympics, I support that. If a woman chooses to stay home with her kids, I support that. If a woman chooses not to have kids, I support that too.

Why must we fight and scratch and kick at each other's choices? Why can't we, as fellow women, offer support and cheering instead?

Because that's what I'll be doing when Janet Evans competes at the Olympic trials. I'm going to turn up the volume on my TV and clap my hands and cheer her to the finish line.

She's earned it.

Friday Five

One
Holy adorable cows, I'm addicted to Pinterest!

I joined the site a few months ago and tinkered around a little at first. Meh, I thought. Seems not for me. But now, I've finally figured out how to use it and I am in love!

If you're on Pinterest, come find me!


Two
One of my favorite things about Pinterest is "pinning" things that I'm totally coveting. Here are a few items from my current Wish List:

Melie Bianco purse; Oh Joy! necklace.

Anthropologie shorts; B.P oxford flat.

Three

I also love pinning places around the world that I'd like to visit. Places like New Zealand and Belize and Croatia and Spain. Mmm, Spain....

Speaking of Spain, I'm flying to Madrid in about six weeks to meet up with Justin for his first R&R! We'll be spending nine days in country, most likely bouncing between Madrid, Barcelona, Toledo, and maybe Segovia. This will be the first time in Spain for the both of us so we desperately need recommendations! If you've been to Spain, tell us about your experiences! What must we do? Where must we eat? 

Four

Hmm, you're probably sick of me talking about Pinterest, hmm? Well...TOO BAD! Haha, kidding, kidding. (Seriously though, why aren't you on Pinterest? Let's be friends!) 

In writing news, I am almost finished with my revision for my YA alternate history, Revolutionary! I am so incredibly happy and relieved and elated to be nearly done. This book started off easy, then morphed into a demon child, and now we're finally pushing past its angsty teen years. Major props must go to my beta readers Robin, Ellen, Lynn, and my husband for giving me brilliant notes so I could whip this baby into shape! 

Still, I'm sure I'll be doing more revisions in the future. They never are fully done, huh? 

Five

So, this weekend! What are your big plans? I'm doing some revisions today, and meeting up with some friends on Saturday and Sunday. I also hope to tackle a few books, like State of Wonder, which I picked up at the library yesterday. How about you? What are you up to this fine February weekend?

Love, Books, and Superlatives!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

(And for all of you 30 Rock fans, happy Anna Howard Shaw Day!)

Since Justin is in the lovely land of Afghanistan this fine V-Day, I sent him the following e-card to show him just how much I love him:

Ah, yes, my love runs deep! I'm such a nice wife, aren't I? That's simply expected out of my vows---if or when you become a zombie, please devour your spouse last. 

Anyway, in honor of Valentine's Day, I thought I'd offer some love-related superlatives to books that I've read and adored. Without further adieu...

MOST ADORABLE ROMANCE

Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins

Ah, this book! I adore this book! It has everything a girl like me could want: a year in Paris, a shop full of macarons, and a very handsome English-accented boy with a French name. I sighed and giggled and blushed through this novel, and just looking at the cover makes me smile. Simply swoon-worthy! 

BEST KISS

Born Wicked by Jessica Spotswood

There are a lot of steamy kisses in books. There are a bunch of sweet kisses too. It's hard, however, to find a golden combination of the two: steamy and sweet and well-written to boot. But Jessica, my friend and fellow cupcake devourer, has accomplished such the thing in Born Wicked! That first kiss between Cate and Finn? Pure magic! And even better: feathers. I hope I'm not giving too much away with that one word---it is in the book trailer, after all!---but yeah. Feathers. Awesomeness.

MOST AGGRAVATING COUPLE

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Look, I love The Great Gatsby. It's one of my favorite books---and it happens to be set in the 1920s, my favorite historical era---and I really think it could be The Great American Novel, if such a thing exists. But. I. Hate. Daisy. Yeah, yeah, she's a product of her culture and blue-blooded upbringing but I still want to strangle her. And I might as well strangle Jay Gatsby too for falling for her in the first place! 

I mean, why, dude? Daisy is married for one thing---to a complete douche-bag, I might add---and she's mega superficial for another. (The girl cries over dress shirts, for heaven's sake!) Come on, Gatsby. You're rich now. Find someone who appreciates you! 

BEST ROMANCE OVERALL

Possession by A.S. Byatt

*Sigh* This is one of the best books I've read, which is ironic because I almost didn't finish it. 

See, back in 2003, I was assigned to read Possession for my Contemporary British Literature class and I just couldn't get into it. I was bored, frankly. But I had to read the book for class---and my friend Alexis told me that the pace picked up around page 100---so I kept on trucking...and I fell hard for this novel. 

At the heart of the book, there lies not one but two romances. The first romance is between two Victorian poets, who fall in love through poems and stolen kisses and who end up having a passionate-yet-clandestine love affair. The second romance is between two modern-day scholars, who unravel the secrets of the aforementioned Victorian lovers through old letters and long-lost diaries. It's simply a stunning and heartbreaking and heart-singing read. Even today, eight years after my class, I still marvel at the plot detail that A.S. Byatt conceived and delivered.  

Happy Valentine's Day! What are your favorite couples and romances in literature? And what are your plans for tonight? As for me, I'm going shopping to buy this Valentine-appropriate sweater, sipping hot cocoa, and watching a rom com. How 'bout you? 

The Manuscript That Ate My Soul and Drove Me Bonkers

Months upon months ago, I had a spark for a new book. An A-Ha moment, in Oprah-speak. And so, I opened up my little netbook and started a new document in Word and I let the words rush out of my fingertips. I think I wrote about two-thousand words that first night.

It was a YA alternate history novel. I called it, "Revolutionary."

And I loved it. 

I loved how easily the story came to me. It flowed out of me each time I sat down to write, unlike my other books which required chainsaws and wrenches to yank out of my brain. Gruesome, huh? But not Revolutionary. The voice sang to me on that very first page, along with the characters and the plot. Each day I cranked out one or two thousand words, easy peasy, which was crazy since I'm usually a very slow, very sloth-like drafter. I was utterly convinced that I'd finish the draft in a couple of months, polish it up a little, and send it along to Agent Jim. 

Alas. 

First, I finished the book. That part was awesome. But then...brilliant Agent Jim helped me realize that I needed to switch the POV from first present to third past. The voice just wasn't working. Yeah, all of that easy-peasyness? Not so easy peasy anymore. My book needed a major rehaul.

Cue this:

And this:

And some of this: 

Life lesson for Caroline: Beware of easy peasy! Oftentimes, this means that you're being overly confident! 

So yeah. That was a hard pill to swallow. And I can't say that switching the POV fixed everything in the book. Because, ahem, I'm currently working on "Revolutionary Version 6." Yes, SIX! My easy-peasy manuscript has turned out to be rather difficult. The voice had to change, the romance needed help, the character arcs needed fleshing out, and a lot of other things in between. Now, it's sort of funny  to read my very first draft and laugh at myself for thinking I was *thisclose* to being done with it. 'Cause it was a hot mess!

Humility. I haz it now. 

As I near the finish-line for this revision---just one more round of beta readers before I send this thing to Jim!---it has been helpful for me to look back on these months upon months of drafting and revising, and to figure out what I've learned. 

1. A good agent is worth his weight in gold. 

I'm really, really grateful for Jim. Some agents may have taken a look at Revolutionary Version 1 and told me to work on something else. Or cut me off altogether. But he never did such a thing. He gave me insightful comments and he gave me some tough love. 'Cause I'm sure it isn't easy to tell a writer to change the entire POV of a novel, but I needed to hear that. In the end, the book is so much stronger for it. And that's because of Jim's sharp editorial eye. 

2. Get feedback sooner rather than later.

I have a perfectionist tendency to make my manuscript just right before I can send it to beta readers. In other words, I procrastinate. I tweak some words here, switch some paragraphs there, pretty much crippling myself because I'm striving for perfection but I can't achieve it. And so, with my next manuscript, I know I have to let go earlier on, to send my book to my readers so I can get a jump-start on the big structural changes. 

3. But don't get feedback TOO soon!

Haha. Let me explain. On one hand, I definitely need to let go of my precious baby---er, manuscript---but I've also found that if I send out a few chapters to my critique group early on, I just end up fiddling with those chapters instead of finishing the draft. And so, I think my critique-process will change with my next book. Instead of sending out my book in little pieces, I'll send it out in greater chunks (maybe 50 pages?) or perhaps just send out the whole darn thing. 

Anyway, back to the revision cave I go! But what about you? What are some lessons you've learned with your drafting/revising process?

Wednesday Wants

want one

{From Paper Source}

I'm usually not a fan of heart-shaped things, but these measuring cups from Paper Source are too sweet to pass up! Just looking at them makes me want to throw on an apron, whip up some cookie dough, and spend the afternoon making sugar cookies. Who wants to come over?

want two

{From Catbird NYC}

Speaking of sweet things, I really love this teeny tiny ruby ring from Catbird NYC. I'm not much of a jewelry girl---I don't own any bracelets or earrings, and I usually like to keep my fingers naked---but this ring is calling out to me. I love the super-skinny band and the barely-there stone. Simplicity!

want three

{From Jason Wu for Target}

Oh, la la! Love, love, love. On February 5th, be sure to mark your calendars because the Jason Wu collection debuts at Target. Wu is a posh Taiwanese-American designer who has dressed the likes of Michelle Obama and Blake Lively, and he has teamed up with Target to offer a fun-and-springy line of skirts, dresses, and blouses. I'm seriously drooling over this dress. 

Although, admittedly, I'm a tad nervous about wearing white. It brings back memories of a certain white skirt that I once wore to my internship at the good ol' Air and Space Museum. I thought I was being all stylish and cute---hey, I was 22!---but then I proceeded to drop my Ben & Jerry's chocolate ice cream cone all over myself. Chocolate! On white cotton! Oh dear. That was very embarrassing....

                                                      

want four

{From Amazon}

And lastly, in book wants, I'm definitely intrigued over The Snow Child. I was strolling through the New Literary Fiction section at Barnes & Noble last night and my eyes immediately fastened onto this lovely cover. (The power of eye-catching artwork!) The prose inside was equally lovely: sparse, vivid, and just a tad haunting. The author, Eowyn Ivey, has a knack for simple-yet-beautiful prose and, yes, she was named after the character in Lord of the Rings. :) 

Also, be sure to check out the book trailer for The Snow Child. It's one of the best book trailers I've seen!

So what about you? What are you drooling over this fine Wednesday morning?